I received a job offer this week. One that I’m kind of skeptical about. Its working with children that are autistic. While normally I love working in this field. I can’t help but feel somewhat overwhelmed over my new position. My past employments have been similar to this one. But something about this place leaves me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Like I shouldn’t be there. Have you ever walked into a place and thought. Hmm… this is different and not in a good way?
When I first moved to San Antonio I began working in a facility for the elderly. Within a few months I saw the difference between a great Nursing facility and a shady one. Long story short I only made it a couple of months before filing a complaint against the facility and put in my resignation. I’ve been through a few jobs since I’ve moved here. I normally tell people that I’m finding my place in San Antonio as my husband expands his firm. This task has been a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Given I’ve learned that SA is somewhat cliquish. Everyone stays in there own corner and plays by themselves and the people that they have known their entire life. You have no idea how many times this small town girl has said excuse me, thank you, please and been looked at in horror or just simply dismissed. City life is not for me folks. My husband on the other hand loves it. He doesn’t like that small town nosy vibe. I love it! Not the nosy vibe, but to walk into a place and everyone know who you are and is willing to cut the shit with you. I miss it. But this move was a must. There was more opportunity for us here as a family. So my husband and I made the decision to leave our families behind and make a new adventure for ourselves.
Upon moving I worked at a few places. First at a nursing home, than I worked at a Pre-Kindergarten. I gave one of the local In-Home-Health agencies a try but they would only give me twenty hours a week and I just couldn’t support myself on that. Then I landed a job working at this Day-Hab. (In which the name of the facility I will not enclose due to privacy issues) I had researched it, googled it, did my homework on it. I was so excited, thrilled, couldn’t wait to start! I remember calling my husband excited after I had gotten the position! Sometimes I do feel like I made the mistake of leaving. My ex-class partner used to tell me when I would get frustrated with management and talk about quitting “the grass really isn’t greener on the other side. Think about it.” He was an older gentlemen in his mid-40’s who you could tell loved what he did. We grew really close. He reminded me of my best friend from back home and I assumed I reminded him of his sister who passed away a few years ago. I think we would have been the same age. We never discussed this out loud but you could tell he thought about her a lot when we would talk. I am always amused with the the people I come across when I begin working somewhere new. (But that’s a whole other blog on its on!) I enjoyed spending my work hours along side my students, working with them, laughing with them, learning with them. Just an everyday routine we had made for ourselves. You can tell some of them needed some sort of routine or just simply acceptance from someone who cared. I didn’t mind being that person in their everyday life. They had spent their whole lives in these group homes that didn’t pride themselves on one on one care with these guys. You could always tell who needed you the most on specific days.
When I left my past employment my husband warned me. “Now babe you can’t just keep jumping from job to job just because you don’t like the management. People are going to be shitty no matter where you go. You are there to provide a service, you do the best you can and you go on with your day. There’s no point in getting all your feathers ruffled up over people who don’t take their job seriously like you do. My husband only thinks he knows me.. Actually my husband does know me. He knows how I am. And knows that there really is a lot of shitty people out there and I am probably one of the few who actually has compassion for what I do.
I have always had a passion to care for others. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t taking care of someone or something. As to this new adventure that I am about to embark on. It’s a career that I am eager to learn and grow in. I am scared and anxious as to how this is going to impact the next few months. So follow me as I go through all the training and procedures that the facility requires and maybe this will be where and what I do to find my place here in San Antonio.
Taking time away from all the job applications to catch up on just life. You ever get so busy that you completely get lost in it and forget to reflect and appreciate? These past years have done just that, disappear. So let me catch you up on the last five years.
I have managed to find my soul mate, married him, and move to San Antonio to pursue his dream of opening up his own law firm. Crazy right? The fact that all this has taken place in the last five years is even more chaotic. Granted we have only been here two years. It has been two years to long. For me anyways. I have been thru four different jobs. All of which have had there own reason for why I had to leave. In the last two years I have also been diagnosed with type two Diabetes and Hypothyroidism. Both of which I still don’t completely comprehend. Someday’s are better than others with my condition. But I still can’t distinguish the tiredness from my hypothyroidism when my hormone levels are out of wack or my blood sugar is low. So that brings us full circle as to why I am sitting in a Starbucks sipping on a Caramel Frappuccino with my husband as he works and takes client phone calls and I’m scrolling thru job openings.
I said Goodbye to my kiddos on Friday. It was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do. But in the end I knew it was the right choice. I have been working in the direct care field for the past ten years. I must say they have been soul fulfilling, but after time that specific job can be very emotionally draining and physically exhausting. I loved my students. Still do. They gave me so many laughs the past year and a half. I will definitely miss seeing there warm innocent faces every day. My Alzheimer patience gave me so many great stories to share that I smile every time I think about them. And my Brain Injury Clients.. there so many things i could say about them.. They were my life. My life for almost seven years. the first four were spent as a full time rehabilitation technician and the other three were working part time taking them out into community. I loved it.I loved working with them everyday. Making them laugh and smile everyday was my job. I miss my guys so much. They were like family to me. I more than often find myself missing them when I am feeling down. They always knew when I was having an off day. They would sit me down and make sure I was always taken care of. I laugh now as I remember an ongoing joke I had with one of them. I would tell him he was my longest relationship due to the fact that I spent more time with him than I did with my own personal life. He would laugh and tell me I was too. They became my family. At that point in my life I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I enjoyed going in to work everyday and seeing each and everyone of their heart warming smiles as I helped them get ready for their day. They became a big part of my life as I theirs. After awhile you do realize that getting to close can be unhealthy and it’s often necessary to distance yourself especially when you lose one of your clients and it feels like you lost a family member. When this happened I had decided to go part time and only work for special outings.
What has me on this topic? Job hunting… I am a great caregiver. I can do it with my eyes closed and with one hand tied behind my back. Working in the same field for the past ten years gives you a self confidence about your skills. I have filed thirty plus job application in the past two weeks. I have had three interviews. Both of which I was told I was either over qualified or under qualified. The third one is a job interview that makes me a little uneasy just because I dislike office work. Sitting behind a desk for eight hours on the phone with people sounds just about horrible to me. But I wanted to do something different, take a chance and you never know maybe I will actually enjoy it. So I have decided to open up some closed doors, not knowing whats on the other side and jumping in head first to see if I land on something exciting. It’s like fishing. You throw your line out unto the lake over and over until one bites. If it’s the right size you take it home. If its to small you throw back in. Prayers for lots of fishes so I get the opportunity to chose which one I want to take home?
You gave me love
And I accepted it.
You gave me hope
And I ran with it.
You gave me peace
And I needed it.
You gave me your heart
And I’ll protect it.
You gave me trust
And I’ll keep it.
I gave you my love
And I meant it.
First day at camp wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. We drove into the parking lot of Camp For You and Me at 5:23 pm. After driving almost 7 hours today I was exhausted, frustrated and hungry. I had never been away from home before and this was definitely a new experience. As we unloaded the van and the volunteers helped me find my cabin I was taken away by everything! Everything was so peaceful, so free, so green. I felt like I could be myself here and no one would think of me differently. My friends at The Center had told me about this camp and I begged mom to let me go for almost what seemed like forever. She finally caved in when I told her it was completely safe. My friend grant had told me how great everyone was, and even told me he went down a zip line! That alone made me want to come even more. Of course I didn’t tell mom about the zip line. But I made sure to mention all the paved side walks, the activities, the numerous volunteers, the great food! Not to mention everyone else that was going from The Center that were just like me. I know it scares her to leave me, I know she’s afraid I’ll get hurt because I can’t completely take care of myself. And I know she worries about my social skills and how I think people see me. I don’t worry so much about it anymore.
After the volunteer helped me get settled into my cabin and showed me where the cafe was I grabbed my lucky hat and zoomed off to get something to eat. I was starving.
When I came into the door I was greeted by a very nice looking girl with the camps name on it all tyde i’de. The cafe was already full of people eating dinner. I spotted grant with a few other people and made my way over to the table.
“Sup hot rod”
He’s always calling me hot rod because of the flames on my chair.
A lady in pink came over and asked me mayo or mustard and placed a tray infront of me. It looked delicious! Or maybe I was just so hungry!
To the love of my life:
There will be days when I will over think things, question things, doubt things, analyze things, wonder what it is that you ever saw in me days. Question how long you will stay. Wonder if someday you will get bored and tired of me. Days when jealousy will take over and make you see the ugliness that comes out of me. Somedays I’ll just need that reassurance that you are still in love with me. A kiss on the forehead, a smile, a hug from behind, a kiss on the neck or just randomly holding my hand. To show me that I am still the person you want to be with. There will be days when all I really need is a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Baby i can be needy, clumsy, thoughtless, mean,controlling, obnoxious and hard to get along with. There will be days that I’m going to need you to be the strong one and guide me thru hard times. Days when I need you to spoil me even if it is just ice cream. I can be sensitive, quite, will want nothing more than just time alone and piece and quite. I know I’m not perfect and have many flaws, have many insecurities and problems. I know it may seem like a lot but I promise to return all the love and kindness that you show me. I promise to work on my issues and fully trust in you. Even though I may seem to be tough on the outside. I have a kind heart, sensitive feelings, and may think a little inside the box at times. I never mean to offend or neglect with the things I do or say. But the truth is, is that I love you. All jokes aside you mean the world to me. You may drive me crazy sometimes but I couldn’t imagine my life w out you.
Be in love with your life! I absolutely fell in love with this quote. Sometimes we hear people say live your life, do something with your life, or cherish your life. But to love your life is completely different.
We go thru many transitions of our lives. But one thing you must always remember is to enjoy it.
We all go thru different phases or seasons in our lives. Some hard, some wonderful, some we just sort of coast thru it. But each day must be lived with love