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Greener Pastures

I received a job offer this week. One that I’m kind of skeptical about. Its working with children that are autistic. While normally I love working in this field. I can’t help but feel somewhat overwhelmed over my new position. My past employments have been similar to this one. But something about this place leaves me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Like I shouldn’t be there. Have you ever walked into a place and thought. Hmm… this is different and not in a good way?

When I first moved to San Antonio I began working in a facility for the elderly. Within a few months I saw the difference between a great Nursing facility and a shady one. Long story short I only made it a couple of months before filing a complaint against the facility and put in my resignation. I’ve been through a few jobs since I’ve moved here. I normally tell people that I’m finding my place in San Antonio as my husband expands his firm. This task has been a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Given I’ve learned that SA is somewhat cliquish. Everyone stays in there own corner and plays by themselves and the people that they have known their entire life. You have no idea how many times this small town girl has said excuse me, thank you, please and been looked at in horror or just simply dismissed. City life is not for me folks. My husband on the other hand loves it. He doesn’t like that small town nosy vibe. I love it! Not the nosy vibe, but to walk into a place and everyone know who you are and is willing to cut the shit with you. I miss it. But this move was a must. There was more opportunity for us here as a family. So my husband and I made the decision to leave our families behind and make a new adventure for ourselves.

Upon moving I worked at a few places. First at a nursing home, than I worked at a Pre-Kindergarten. I gave one of the local In-Home-Health agencies a try but they would only give me twenty hours a week and I just couldn’t support myself on that. Then I landed a job working at this Day-Hab. (In which the name of the facility I will not enclose due to privacy issues) I had researched it, googled it, did my homework on it.  I was so excited, thrilled, couldn’t wait to start! I remember calling my husband excited after I had gotten the position! Sometimes I do feel like I made the mistake of leaving. My ex-class partner used to tell me when I would get frustrated with management and talk about quitting “the grass really isn’t greener on the other side. Think about it.” He was an older gentlemen in his mid-40’s who you could tell loved what he did. We grew really close. He reminded me of my best friend from back home and I assumed I reminded him of his sister who passed away a few years ago. I think we would have been the same age. We never discussed this out loud but you could tell he thought about her a lot when we would talk. I am always amused with the the people I come across when I begin working somewhere new. (But that’s a whole other blog on its on!) I enjoyed spending my work hours along side my students, working with them, laughing with them, learning with them. Just an everyday routine we had made for ourselves. You can tell some of them needed some sort of routine or just simply acceptance from someone who cared. I didn’t mind being that person in their everyday life. They had spent their whole lives in these group homes that didn’t pride themselves on one on one care with these guys. You could always tell who needed you the most on specific days.

When I left my past employment my husband warned me. “Now babe you can’t just keep jumping from job to job just because you don’t like the management. People are going to be shitty no matter where you go. You are there to provide a service, you do the best you can and you go on with your day. There’s no point in getting all your feathers ruffled up over people who don’t take their job seriously like you do. My husband only thinks he knows me.. Actually my husband does know me. He knows how I am. And knows that there really is a lot of shitty people out there and I am probably one of the few who actually has compassion for what I do.

I have always had a passion to care for others.  I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t taking care of someone or something. As to this new adventure that I am about to embark on. It’s a career that I am eager to learn and grow in. I am scared and anxious as to how this is going to impact the next few months. So follow me as I go through all the training and procedures that the facility requires and maybe this will be where and what I do to find my place here in San Antonio.

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Emotions

You gave me love
And I accepted it.
You gave me hope
And I ran with it.
You gave me peace
And I needed it.
You gave me your heart
And I’ll protect it.
You gave me trust
And I’ll keep it.
I gave you my love
And I meant it.

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Untitled

First day at camp wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. We drove into the parking lot of Camp For You and Me at 5:23 pm. After driving almost 7 hours today I was exhausted, frustrated and hungry. I had never been away from home before and this was definitely a new experience. As we unloaded the van and the volunteers helped me find my cabin I was taken away by everything! Everything was so peaceful, so free, so green. I felt like I could be myself here and no one would think of me differently. My friends at The Center had told me about this camp and I begged mom to let me go for almost what seemed like forever. She finally caved in when I told her it was completely safe. My friend grant had told me how great everyone was, and even told me he went down a zip line! That alone made me want to come even more. Of course I didn’t tell mom about the zip line. But I made sure to mention all the paved side walks, the activities, the numerous volunteers, the great food! Not to mention everyone else that was going from The Center that were just like me. I know it scares her to leave me, I know she’s afraid I’ll get hurt because I can’t completely take care of myself. And I know she worries about my social skills and how I think people see me. I don’t worry so much about it anymore.

After the volunteer helped me get settled into my cabin and showed me where the cafe was I grabbed my lucky hat and zoomed off to get something to eat. I was starving.
When I came into the door I was greeted by a very nice looking girl with the camps name on it all tyde i’de. The cafe was already full of people eating dinner. I spotted grant with a few other people and made my way over to the table.
“Sup grant”
“Sup hot rod”
He’s always calling me hot rod because of the flames on my chair.
A lady in pink came over and asked me mayo or mustard and placed a tray infront of me. It looked delicious! Or maybe I was just so hungry!

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For my love

To the love of my life:

There will be days when I will over think things, question things, doubt things, analyze things, wonder what it is that you ever saw in me days. Question how long you will stay. Wonder if someday you will get bored and tired of me. Days when jealousy will take over and make you see the ugliness that comes out of me. Somedays I’ll just need that reassurance that you are still in love with me. A kiss on the forehead, a smile, a hug from behind, a kiss on the neck or just randomly holding my hand. To show me that I am still the person you want to be with. There will be days when all I really need is a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Baby i can be needy, clumsy, thoughtless, mean,controlling, obnoxious and hard to get along with. There will be days that I’m going to need you to be the strong one and guide me thru hard times. Days when I need you to spoil me even if it is just ice cream. I can be sensitive, quite, will want nothing more than just time alone and piece and quite. I know I’m not perfect and have many flaws, have many insecurities and problems. I know it may seem like a lot but I promise to return all the love and kindness that you show me. I promise to work on my issues and fully trust in you. Even though I may seem to be tough on the outside. I have a kind heart, sensitive feelings, and may think a little inside the box at times. I never mean to offend or neglect with the things I do or say. But the truth is, is that I love you. All jokes aside you mean the world to me. You may drive me crazy sometimes but I couldn’t imagine my life w out you.

Love:
Me

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Love your life

Be in love with your life! I absolutely fell in love with this quote. Sometimes we hear people say live your life, do something with your life, or cherish your life. But to love your life is completely different.
We go thru many transitions of our lives. But one thing you must always remember is to enjoy it.
We all go thru different phases or seasons in our lives. Some hard, some wonderful, some we just sort of coast thru it. But each day must be lived with love

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giving up on our dreams

empower WOMEN unite

giving up on our dreamsIs there an age when you “give up”?  Not necessarily give up on living, but give up accomplishing or experiencing certain things in life?

Today I met with an amazing woman who has embraced so many experiences in her life.  She has traveled, has had vast education, a family and a great career.  Frankly, I don’t know how she’s done it and continues to do it.  But at one point in the conversation we were both sharing things we still want to do or have always wanted to do and it was surprising to hear her say that there are things she’s recently realized she’ll never do because they had a specific time frame and that had already passed.

At first I was saddened by this and immediately encouraged her not to think that way.  It’s never too late and besides, she’s still young.  However, she continued to say that…

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